The mind

I clearly don’t understand how it works and trying to figure it is a waste of my time. Why don’t we ever love the people that love us? We keep going for those that hurt us most. Well my case is different, I’m wondering if I have a heart at all. I seem to be heart cold. I think in the years I died. Being solo seems to be the best option for me and my body is not doing me justice. I wish I could just die already. If there is a God, I’m wondering if he enjoys seeing people suffer from people like me? This curse has followed me since I was born. I’m tired. This emotional weight is getting to me. I think I’m going to crumble; he has too much faith in me. They say God dwells from within; doesn’t he feel this pain that is inside of me? How can he just watch? I’m not in any way trying to make him a scapegoat BUT, yes there is always a but.

The future is unknown

The future is hidden. We do not know what is to be thus we must expect anything, especially the worse. I am writing these words because I have found myself in an unexpected predicament. It was all planned to the dot but it didn’t go according to the way planned. I was to have had accommodation from a friend. We had confirmed my arrival; things were to go as planned, smooth, a three day stay. A few hours later the master of the accommodation arrived. This certainly was not in the plan but fact was he was there. Here I am typing this, not a clue in there world where I am to stay for the night. No plan b what so ever. I am not certain if finding myself on this situation was totally my fault or the person I trusted but all I know is that I have found myself in this situation. Even though repeated calls were made to plan, to secure but I still found myself in my fears of not knowing where to sleep for the night. To make things worse, it just started to rain. We might not know how the story will end but its what you do with the present that matters. The present might not be what we want, it might be intimidating but it is how we react to it that will determine the conditions of our future.

When Mohatma Gandhi said “be the change that you want to see” he was right. For this change that we envision starts from within, thus it is my thoughts that I have to alter first. Change is not always easy for most of us, it is through practise and our zealous attitudes that will lead us to perfection of thought alteration. It is what we think that become actions and these repeated actions become habits, and then our personas are formed from these trends of actions we do. Most of us start with trying to change our actions first, a very difficult task to do. I don’t know how many times I have heard people talk about changing their habits, life styles, or actions but to me that seems like the wrong initial point. How are you going to stop smoking when you are thinking about smoking? How are you going to stop having credit when you are forever thinking about spending? Indeed every initial point starts from within, may it be physical or spiritual.