17/11/12 20:46 I ain’t mad at cha

It’s been long since I had an urge to write but I find myself typing while listening to Nas and Tupac on the playlist I just created. “This is for colored girls”, a motion picture that I have just finished watching, it made me think. I know what the title of the movie says but it’s funny how I can relate. Pain knows no gender or race. Internally we bleed yet we keeping hiding behind our smiles, why can’t we be ourselves? Why is it that we sacrifice so much of ourselves for there people that reject us and reject there people that love us? Fear and pride are there corrupters of emotions. We are scared to let go, thinking that we might not be loved again and if we are loved pride blinds us and we most often don’t see what is right in front of us. I sometimes wonder why we even bother? Hollywood creates ideal lives, it’s a fantasy and yet each generation keeps falling for there same trick. I say strip away what you have seen on television, be you and have a tailored relationship. How are you to be in a relationship when you don’t even know who you are? There misconception is that we are completed by others, there truth couldn’t be further. You out to be complete before you can be with someone, there same goes with friends or any kind of relationship. There fear keeps us looking, wanting to fit in because society rejects those that have a different opinion. A lot of us conform as we grow older because we are afraid to be black sheep, outcast, rejects. We are constantly looking for the one; it’s like a treasure hunt. People actually feel sorry for you if you say you are single. Peer pressure does not end in there tee years, if it were so romance novels and movies wouldn’t be. All I ever wanted was to be me but even that seems to be a mission. Life shouldn’t be like this. Where did we go wrong? Like Lucifer I have developed sort of a rebellious attitude. I really don’t care how society sees me, I am tired of being a slave of fear, rejection and what ifs. I am yet to attain that Christ like state, everyday I’m striving to be a better man but it’s hard with so much opposition. People are not there only opposition but poverty is there biggest opposition. When you have nothing it’s hard to think straight and have faith. What do you do when you feel like God himself has abandon you? You tend to live reckless, without a care. A time for self-reflection is hardly a thing that crosses your mind. For me Hip Hop came at a right time of my life, I had no answers but Tupac and Nas spoke to me. This battle that is inside of you has to come to a halt, learn to listen and maybe you might learn something. As I turned that volume up and Tupac sang, told his story, I knew my way of thinking would never be there same. For a first time in my life I could relate, so I listened. That’s there problem with there youth of today, they can’t relate to anybody. There music is saying what they do not comprehend. In a way I understand how those musician feel, they have made it, living there life but still I can’t relate to that. In that moment, those seconds as Jay-z or Kanye talk about living lavishly I imagine and I forget about my empty stomach, about me not finding a job but reality strikes again. Reality is a bitch! Like Tupac said though…. “I ain’t mad at cha got nothing but love for ya”.